Why Knowing Your Tendency Changes Everything (Yes, Even Your Health Plan)
I recently finished The Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin, and dang—it was such a fun and fascinating read! In her work, Rubin outlines a framework that breaks people down into four core tendencies: Upholder, Questioner, Obliger, and Rebel.
It all comes down to how you respond to expectations, both from others (outer) and from yourself (inner).
Here’s a quick breakdown:
Upholders – Meet both inner and outer expectations. These are the people who actually thrive with rules, lists, and routines. (Yes, they really do exist!)
Questioners – Meet inner expectations, but resist outer ones unless they make sense. Their motto is basically, “But… why, though?”
Obligers – Meet outer expectations, but struggle with inner ones. Classic people pleasers—they’ll show up for others, but often put themselves last.
Rebels – Resist both outer and inner expectations. Their inner dialogue? “No one tells me what to do. Not even me!”
So guess what I am?
Yep. Rebel.
I literally laughed out loud when I got my result. OF COURSE I’m a Rebel. I mean... I named my practice Thriving Rebel Wellness. I was called a rebel my entire childhood. My husband and I have joked about it for years. The universe really does have a sense of humor.
But reading it spelled out like this made so much sense. This is why I’ve never quite fit into anyone else’s mold. It’s why I’ve always done things differently—because it’s how I’m wired.
Understanding your tendency changes everything. How you approach your health, your relationships, your work—even how you parent—can shift dramatically when you stop fighting your nature and start working with it.
In Your Health Journey
This is where I see it the most in my practice. When clients struggle to stick with something, it’s usually not about willpower—it’s about misalignment.
Obligers might need accountability—like group fitness, regular check-ins, or a mentor who helps them stay on track.
Rebels (like me!) need freedom and flexibility. If something feels too rigid, we’ll self-sabotage just to prove we’re in charge.
Questioners want the research. They won’t commit unless they fully understand the why behind every supplement or protocol.
Upholders? Give them a clear plan and they’ll follow it to a T.
In Your Relationships
Your tendency (and your partner’s) explains so many of those “Why don’t they just…?” moments.
My husband is an Upholder. I’m a Rebel. We are complete opposites. He thrives with a schedule and consistent routine. I need room to decide in the moment. Understanding your partner can help you stop trying to change each other and instead start appreciating your differences.
In Your Work
This framework is absolute gold in your professional life.
Rebels need autonomy and creative freedom.
Obligers excel with deadlines and outside accountability.
Questioners need purpose and logic behind what they’re doing.
Upholders want clarity and structure—they’re your rule-followers.
Knowing your tendency can help you stop spinning your wheels and start building habits that actually stick.
In Parenting
Game. Changer.
Understanding your child’s tendency gives you tools to guide them without constant power struggles.
Rebel kids need options and respect, not ultimatums.
Obligers need encouragement and support from the outside.
Questioners want to understand the reason behind the rule—they’re not being difficult; they’re being thoughtful.
Upholders feel safe and confident when they know what to expect.
We don’t need to force kids (or ourselves) to fit into a box—we need to give them tools that honor who they already are.
I keep thinking about how many times I’ve seen people struggle—not because they don’t want to change—but because they’re unknowingly working against their wiring. It’s exhausting.
But once you understand how you’re built you can stop fighting yourself, and start designing a life that actually works for you.
Curious to know your tendency? Take the free quiz here
Let me know what you get—I’d love to hear it!