10 Ways to Navigate Family Dynamics During the Holidays

Let’s be honest… nothing tests your nervous system quite like holiday family gatherings. You love them… but also, wow. There’s history. There are big personalities. There are opinions. There are the same jokes you’ve heard for 20 years. It’s a lot.

But you don’t have to dread it. With a little awareness and a few intentional tools, you can show up grounded, present, and way more at peace — no matter what chaos swirls around you.

Here’s how to keep your energy intact and actually enjoy the people you love (or at least tolerate).

1. Lower the Bar

Go in knowing it’s not going to be a Hallmark movie. People will be people. Someone will bring up something awkward. Someone else will get weird. When you expect real life instead of perfection, everything feels easier.

2. Look for the Good

Make it your mission to find and amplify the positive. Talk about shared memories, funny stories, what’s going well, or literally anything that doesn’t spike everyone’s blood pressure. You have more influence over the vibe than you think.

3. Have a Game Plan for Trigger Topics

We all know the “danger zones” — politics, religion, conspiracy theories, or the ancient sibling rivalry that refuses to die. Go in prepared. Have a few safe, neutral topics ready to redirect the conversation. Be Neo from the Matrix.

4. Listen Like You Mean It

When someone shares something — even if you disagree — try staying curious instead of defensive or judgmental. Active listening can soften tension faster than anything. It helps people feel seen, and that alone can shift the entire tone of the room.

5. Boundaries Are Loving, Not Rude

If certain people drain you, trigger you, or pull you into old patterns… limit your time with them. You’re not obligated to emotionally sponge for anyone. Protect your peace. Protect your energy. Protect your inner child who is still very much present at family holiday events (big time).

6. Take Grown-Up Time-Outs

Feeling overwhelmed? Step outside. Play with the kids. Go breathe. Hide in the bathroom for three minutes and regroup. Breaks are healthy. Breaks are wise. Breaks prevent meltdowns (yours and others). I often volunteer to do dishes. Not because I love it, but because it gets me away from everyone for a while (and also because the cooks definitely appreciate it!)

7. Do Something Together

Suggest activities that get everyone moving or engaged instead of debating. Games, a walk, cooking together, playing with little kids, a puzzle — anything that shifts the energy from “talking” to “connecting.”

8. Have a Support Person

Find the one person in your family who feels safe — or bring a partner or friend who can give you the “you’re doing great” look when you need it. You’re allowed to have support. It makes everything easier. And yes — booking a session with me before the gathering can absolutely help soften emotional triggers!

9. Practice Gratitude (Even if it’s small)

Gratitude doesn’t mean pretending everything is perfect. It just means choosing to notice what’s good. A warm hug, a shared laugh, the meal someone put effort into, a moment of sweetness in the chaos. Small things matter.

10. Release the Unrealistic Story of the Perfect Holiday

Perfection is not the goal here — connection is. Holidays are messy and unpredictable, but sometimes the imperfect moments are the ones you remember forever. Let yourself enjoy the realness instead of chasing a picture-perfect experience.

You can absolutely navigate your family with more ease, clarity, and self-compassion. Show up as the grounded, embodied version of yourself — the one you’ve worked hard to become — and let the rest be what it is.

Real life is messy. But you’ve got this.